Advanced Directives
By The Reverend Rebecca "Beck" Malcolm Schubert, MA, BCC
Chaplain, Grace Hospice, Kansas City
For Kansas Senior Press Service
A project of the KU Center on Aging
"Does your spouse have an Advance Directive? Have you discussed his or her wishes in case that heart stops beating? I am so sorry. there is not much more we can do medically." Any emergency room. any day.
Do you have an Advance Directive? Yes, I bet the last time you were in the hospital emergency room or in for an outpatient procedure some sweet young thing asked you that question. And you did like many others: you took the literature, saying under your breath, "I'll read it later." I can't tell you how many times I have assisted a patient in completing an Advance Directive. I have painstakingly gone through the questions and made sure they knew exactly what they were signing. Then finally one day a patient asked me point blank, "How did you do this part?" As I stammered, I had to admit I didn't have an Advance Directive. "Why should I have one, if you the Chaplain, don't think it is important?"
I have been assisting with Advance Directives for 12 years; that was the first time someone had called my bluff. My response was so quick that it surprised me when I reflected on the conversation later in the evening. "I think I am one of those people Morrie talks about in the book Tuesdays With Morrie. "We all know we are going to die; just none of us believes it." The patient took my answer without question and we went on to complete her Advance Directive. But I took pause for reflection.
Life is a circle. Like all circles, the end meets the beginning and it is compete.
No matter what our religious belief, the body will at some point die! How many of us have made elaborate plans for our money, our belongings, planned to leave this child this special thing and that child something else. Some of us have even planned our funeral. But we just can't get past the part of how to handle the process of dying.
So many times patients have had questions about the dying process and at the same time they tell me, "I am not afraid of death.it is the dying that frightens me." Modern medicine has come a long way. It can keep us alive long after the spirit has given up, leaving only a shell. Because of the lack of planning we so often leave our families, wives, husbands, children, and relatives to make decisions that cause agony at a time when the focus should be a holy and grace-filled death.
Your doctor and your family need to know what you want when you can no longer make the decision for yourself. Do you want to live on a machine? Do you want to have a feeding tube keep you alive when you are in a persistent vegetative state? These are questions that need to be discussed (as painful as they might be) when you are still able to speak for yourself--not left to a loved one to guess.
After 12 years of stalling, I have completed my Advance Directive. True to my usual pattern I have written all over it with more instructions than are necessary. I don't want anyone to misunderstand. My husband and children are clear about what I want. I smile when think of it--I have control up to the last breath.
Every hospital has a ready supply of Advance Directives. The Kansas Department on Aging publishes a booklet entitled, "Resource Guide for Seniors," that contains both forms and information. It is available at your Area Agency on Aging or by contacting KDOA: www.agingkansas.org , or 1-800-432-3535. It is important that you have your signature on the form notarized and witnessed! Discuss your wishes with those you love, give them a copy, put the original in a safe place, give your doctor a copy and put a copy in your wallet.
"As long as we love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away.Death ends a life, not a relationship."
Tuesdays With Morrie. p 174
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