Caring With Love
By Sally Wilcox, Kansas Senior Press Service
A project of the KU Center on Aging
Why should we love and care about someone who is “not our responsibility?”
Why do so many seniors feel unloved and have bouts of depression? What is love, anyhow?
As the years pass, most of us become more limited in our activities and abilities. Often, this leads to seniors becoming isolated and lonely. Sometimes neglect by busy relatives and friends leads to health problems caused by poor diet, lack of exercise and mental stimulation.
The Rev. Morton T. Kelsey, author of the book Caring, says that "Love is the secret motive force in human destiny." It is a paradox, and there is no real definition of love. It is a nurturing of someone, a concern and a reaching out and caring, a love within.
He also says that we should love others until they feel loved and that most people are afraid to love. He's not talking about romantic love, but agape love, which is a feeling of caring for others and their well-being in the world.
How we treat people often depends upon how we view human nature. That, in turn, can depend upon how we were reared. If people were brought up in a loving home with relatives who were kind to each other and spent time together, their children will probably be the same way.
In civilizations where family life hasn't broken down, the aged are revered and hold a place of honor. Kelsey says that love to the aged, needs to be expressed in concrete actions of concern.
So, how do we go about loving someone, especially an older person who may have very rigid ideas and assumptions?
Sometimes, older persons are bitter and complaining. All of us have our good and bad sides. You can't pick out only what you like about a person when caring for them. You have to listen in order to love, with no judging. This means that when you do something for an older person, you do it without making them feel they are a nuisance. It means taking time and listening without hostility and with empathy. Kelsey says you cannot love those you don't listen to and that this is particularly true of family life or of people we are close to.
Genuine love for another ministers to their needs. Be patient and don't lecture. Sarcasm and ridicule are never instruments of love. Simple acts of kindness and thoughtfulness are. Love breeds love, just as violence breeds violence.
Treat people like persons, not objects. Express feelings of affection and warmth when you feel them. Even when you don't feel loving, you can act in a loving way and that is love. One touch may convey more than 1000 words.
Loneliness destroys and leads to alienation, separation and isolation. Courage, on the other hand, is the result of having been loved. How we treat people depends upon how we view human nature. We need to function as a unit with others.
Keep in mind that love is the only reality that turns humans toward each other. To love people, we must accept them and their values as they are.
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